When was the last time you shed tears in public? Afterward, how did you feel? Were you embarrassed by your display of emotion, or relieved? Did you feel judged?
Do you think boys and men face more judgment for crying than girls and women do? Or is it becoming more acceptable for everyone, including boys and men, to show their feelings?
As Jason Kelce strode to a dais on Monday to announce his retirement from the N.F.L. after 13 seasons with the Philadelphia Eagles, he appeared to be playing the role of traditional masculinity to perfection.
His face framed by his familiar Bunyan-esque beard, Mr. Kelce wore a cutoff T-shirt, sandals and a gold Rolex. Taking a seat behind a microphone, he thanked everyone for coming. And then he began to cry.
“Oh, man,” he said through tears. “This is going to be long.”
Sure enough, over the next 40 minutes, Mr. Kelce labored with his emotions as he choked out lines from his speech.
Mr. Kelce cried when he talked about his teammates. He cried when he thanked the Eagles’ owner. He cried when he reflected on the smell of “freshly mowed grass.” He even cried when he recalled instances of other people crying — namely, his father, who, according to Mr. Kelce, had “tears streaming down his face” when Mr. Kelce was drafted in 2011.
But it was only when Mr. Kelce spoke about his relationship with his younger brother, Travis, a tight end for the Kansas City Chiefs, that Jason seemed in danger of having a total meltdown. Travis, of course, was sobbing behind sunglasses in the front row. Someone tossed a towel to Jason so he could mop his face.
“This is where it’s going to go off the rails,” he said.
If not exactly taboo, crying in men’s sports was once considered a sign of weakness. Think Jimmy Dugan, the irascible manager from the film “A League of Their Own,” chastising a woman playing for him by bellowing, “There’s no crying in baseball!” Men like Dugan, both real and fictional, were always free to express anger, because anger was masculine. But tears? Those had no place on a ball field.
While in many ways the Kelces could not be bigger jocks — Travis dates Taylor Swift, Jason chugs beer, and they both became famous playing a violent game — they do not hide their feelings. Professional athletes have cried before, of course. But the Kelces seem to cry more voluminously and with greater frequency than their predecessors.
Now that their platform extends to the Swift cosmos, the brothers’ public shows of emotion are notable. With their brand of vulnerability front and center, the message is clear: It is normal and healthy for men to cry.
What is your reaction to Jason and Travis Kelce’s public displays of emotion on and off the field? Do you think the tears of male athletes are becoming more accepted — even celebrated?
Are the Kelce brothers helping to normalize crying for all of us? Is there “a growing acceptance that our human emotions are natural, rather than something that we need to dam up or that we need to push down,” as Dr. Fredric Rabinowitz, a professor of psychology at the University of Redlands, said? Or is there, especially for men and boys, still a stigma against showing certain emotions?
What are your thoughts on crying in public? How often do you shed tears in front of other people? Do you ever feel shame about it? Or are you comfortable expressing this type of emotion publicly?
What, if anything, have you been taught or encouraged to do — or not do — when it comes to crying? Were you ever told that “boys don’t cry,” “crying is for babies” or anything like that? Or were you shown that crying is a normal and healthy way to express your feelings? How have these messages affected you?
Dr. Rabinowitz also pointed out that “Athletes get a pass because they have the masculinity chops. But for the average guy, there is still, I think, this sense of shame around crying.” Do you think that’s true? Why or why not?
Should we all be more comfortable with crying in front of others? If so, what do you think could help people feel less shame about expressing their emotions publicly?
Students 13 and older in the United States and Britain, and 16 and older elsewhere, are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public and may appear in print.